I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
