all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
