I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
