think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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