i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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