I just made out with a guy for $7.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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