I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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