what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
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