I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
