why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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