I just pynch a tree in the face
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
