I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
