We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
