don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
