His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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