Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
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You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
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Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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