Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
