I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
