Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
