The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You can't motorboat a personality
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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