pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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