Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize