I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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