I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
