i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
