I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
