idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
