Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
