Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
