So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
