WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I skipped work to stalk him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
