he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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