Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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