I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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