ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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