I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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