I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
