my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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