Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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