you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
