two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
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Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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