I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
