They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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