I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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