and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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