sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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