I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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