I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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