I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
