That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize