she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
