Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
