Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
