yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
