I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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