How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
