Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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