Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
