More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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