I'm gonna have a badass scar
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
