My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
