p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's rum buckets o'clock
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
