kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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