I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
