Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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