How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
