omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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