Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
