I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
