How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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