Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
